The Erection Connection
by xXFlutterbyXx
Summary: Crack. Pure and Simple. Written after watching weird videos on game sites. Setting: Roxas' funeral. Akuroku, Soriku.


**A/N:** Seeing as I haven't uploaded something since like June, I figured I'd put this up here. If you want more info on how this came to be, go to my DA page for this and follow the link to Jen's page.

This was co-written by me and Jen (but mostly Jen haha). Basically we spent a day watching videos and stuff, and it turned into this. I applaud you if you can get some of the references, if you get them all then you were probably stalking us that day =P

CRACK PURE AND SIMPLE. NO STORY, NO LOGIC. Read at your own risk =P

**DISCLAIMER**: I do not own any KH characters, and considering the content of this fic, that is probably a good thing XD

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The Erection Connection

"PENISPENISPENISPENISPE…"

A sombre samba mood had taken over the dimly lit multi purpose community building on the corner of Ansem and 5th in Hollow Bastion Not Radiant Garden. All of the funeral guests, that being Sora, Axel and Kairi had assembled some time ago and were now awaiting the arrival of the coffin, the priest and the Riku – oh my! After exactly 47 minutes of waiting, the levitating coffin of Roxas arrived, followed by the stumbling, intoxicated, bleeding priest, Luxord.

"…NIS. Why were you so late?" said Axel, teary eyed.

"I WAS TEACHING SOME HEATHENS A PARABLE WITH MY FISTS IN THE BAR DOWN THE STREET!" Luxord yelled and stumbled in a drunken stupor.

"Well, well, well, would you mind getting on with the show," asked Kairi, "I have a bitch appointment with Lindsay Lohan's vagina in three hours."

"DO NOT SPEAK OF MY LOVE SO," cried Axel Roxasly (i.e angstily), "FOR HE WAS MY LOVE AND I LOVED HIM AS ONLY A LOVER COULD LOVE HIS LOVE!" Axel then burst into flaming tears. "IT BURNS AND CLEANSES MY SOUL LIKE LARA CROFT NAKED IN THE RAIN!"

Luxord looked sadly at the burning, crying man and took a healthy swig of Irish whiskey.

"NO GAY SEX SPRAY," yelled Sora in a lofty falsetto, "FOR IT BURNS MY CHEEK BONES! FORSOOTH! FORSOOTH!"

"Very well," replied Luxord as he switched to gin.

"Much better, thank you," said Sora in his normal voice.

Finally the congregation settled down, and Luxord was able to begin the memorial service in honour of the recently deceased Roxas.

"Dearly beloved, you fuckers are gathered here today to witness…"

Just then the doors burst open and an extremely excited Riku burst through, bursting with excitement like a bear.

"IF I WAS ANY MORE ERECT RIGHT NOW, I WOULD BE EJACULATING!"

The entire room was silent; mouths hung open in awe of the boner.  
"KAIRI," yelled Riku, "HARKEN TO MY EJACULATION!"

Suddenly a mighty sound like a cannon going off rang through the dimly lit multi purpose community building on the corner of Ansem and 5th in Hollow Bastion Not Radiant Garden. Kairi screamed, realizing she had Riku's radioactive jizz all over her face. Clutching her cheeks, she screamed again as she discovered that Riku's super powered sperm rockets were quickly turning her to stone.

"Oh shit! Now I shall never know the joys of true love," Kairi lamented before her death. The rest of the room burst into uncontrollable pants peeing laughter. As Riku's massive hard on had ripped through his pants, he was the only one not to get wet and instead he peed into Roxas' open casket.

"No! Roxas! Now you smell like urine! Your luxurious beard is stained with peepee for always!" Axel nuzzled into Roxas' 8 foot long piss beard lovingly. Luxord threw up the entire contents of his stomach and his left leg. To quell his tum-tum at the sight of Axel nuzzling Roxas' 8 foot long piss beard he then drank 4000 litres of absinthe and died of a heart attack from a hallucination of Pharaoh looking damn good in a tutu.

"This display of pitiful affection angers my penis! You shall live no longer!" Riku then used his furious manhood to stab Axel repeatedly in the left nostril until death. After being satisfied that the red head was now as deceased as his love, Riku teabagged Axel with his still throbbing orgasm machine.

"Riku," cried Sora in a sitcom voice, "that's disrespectful!"

"Come on, Sora! What's a funeral without corpses?!"

Sora was taken aback by the staggering mental logic penis of Riku and fell to his knees.

"RIKU TAKE ME NOW! FORSOOTH!"

"I WILL BREAK YOUR SEAL ON THE BACK OF THE DEAD FLAMER!"

Whipping Sora's pants off faster than a speeding sperm rocket, Riku violated Sora in a sexy time way and Sora was much obliged. His boner was not as big as Riku's. Due to the power of Riku's mighty spermies, Axel began to rise from the dead.

"Why," he cried in a fevered wail, "why must supple young teenage boys make whoopee on my spine?!"

Finally having satisfied Sora's hungry hungry hippo lust, they rose from the dead body together to walk pantsless into the Hollow Bastion Not Radiant Garden sunset, both with mighty skull crushing boners.

Feeling the weight lifting off his undead spine, Axel also rose, but instead of walking into the sunset he became a YAOI ZOMBIE with FAT COCK ALWAYS HUNGRY FOR GAY SEX AND LEON.

THE FUCKING END


End file.
